Tips on Easing the Experience of Being a Working Woman and/or Mother with ADHD
Facts on ADHD in Women:
Most women with ADHD get an accurate diagnosis in their late 30s or early 40s
Girls are diagnosed with ADHD at just under half the rate at which boys are diagnosed, but the diagnosis rate is made up for in adulthood, where men and women are diagnosed at roughly the same rate
Women are twice as likely as men to be diagnosed with inattentive ADHD
Women are more likely to be diagnosed with anxiety or depression before the underlying ADHD is identified
It is estimated that 4-5% of adults have ADHD and 29% of entrepreneurs
Lisa Brooks, Clinical Counsellor
Lisa Brooks, registered clinical counsellor with over a decade of experience, shares her tips with the OneSpace community on being a working woman and/or mother with ADHD.
Lisa’s clinical background is in occupational therapy where she received a masters of science from NYU in 2012. Lisa serves children and their families providing therapy, coaching and support. She specializes in supporting children, families, and adults who are neurodiverse, specifically clients with ADHD. She utilizes a strength-based approach to educating her clients about how to find tools to support their lives and live more fully.
Read Lisa’s bio in Psychology Today for more on her work on ADHD.
For years, girls and women were often overlooked when it came to being diagnosed with ADHD.
Although progress is being made in understanding and diagnosing women, there is still a long way to go in recognizing women’s struggles with ADHD. The presentation of the archetype dysregulated and impulsive symptoms that many boys and men typically display, frequently differ in girls and women. While males primarily externalize their symptoms, for example, through physicality or risky behaviour, women are known to internalize their symptoms which can manifest as low self-esteem for example. Women are often misdiagnosed with anxiety or depression, co-morbid psychiatric conditions frequently occurring with ADHD. Doctors and psychologists with a skewed idea of how ADHD presents, misdiagnose women and send them out into a demanding world with little knowledge or tools to better understand themselves and how to feel better.
In the past, young girls and teens who had messy rooms, frequently lost things, ran late, finished assignments at the last minute, or had difficulty focusing in school, heard the narrative that they were “not trying hard enough.” Similarly, struggles with friendships, feeling intense sensitivity to rejection in relationships, challenges with social nuances, and expressing deep feelings were likened to “being over-sensitive or dramatic”. It is no wonder that there are high rates of anxiety and depression in women with ADHD as they struggle to hide their symptoms and juggle all of life's demands while carrying feelings of shame and self-doubt as they navigate life. These challenges are especially exacerbated for working mothers.
Both biological and social influences impact the challenges women and mothers face with an ADHD diagnosis.
The social expectations of women and mothers in particular of being organized, timely, and on top of endless “to-do” lists can feel like treading water upstream. ADHD symptoms are also influenced by women’s hormonal cycles which may lead to worsened PMS symptoms and higher rates of anxiety and depression in the postpartum period. Furthermore, mothers often take on the emotional labor of managing every need for their children from signing them up for extra-curricular activities and buying them shoes that fit to making sure dinner hits the table every night. Add on the tasks of being a working mother and the monetary pressures of living in an expensive city and the results of this lived experience is often feelings of burn-out, guilt, shame, and self-doubt.
In light of this, here are a few tips for easing the experience of being a working woman and/or mother with ADHD:
Reframe how you look at your diagnosis from a deficit mindset to a strength-based mindset. Although follow-through on mundane everyday tasks can be difficult for people with ADHD, the ability to be creative and highly focused on items of interest is a pretty special gift.
Open mail and pay bills as soon as they come. ADHDers are notorious for procrastinating on less desirable tasks. Many times, mothers have a hard time finishing a conversation let alone staying on top of all the needs around them. Following through with mundane tasks immediately conserves mental effort and erases the dread that you feel when everything is due at the end of the month
Energy conservation. Think of your daily energy like a tank of gas. Many times mothers think that they have equal amounts of energy for their family life and their work life leading to burnout in all areas of life. The truth is, you start the day with a certain amount of gas in the tank and it gets depleted throughout the day, regardless of what you are doing. Be realistic about how you expend your energy. Ask yourself if something less important can be put off to another time (i.e. emptying the dishwasher, only doing necessary laundry etc).
Notice your menstrual cycles and how it impacts your ADHD symptoms. The luteal phase when progesterone is high and estrogen is low can lead to more exacerbated symptoms (irritability, emotional dysregulation, impulsivity, and more). During this phase of your cycle, adjust your expectations of yourself and lighten your to-do list.
Be forgiving and work on self-compassion. Understand that the world was not built for your special brain and that, that can make life very tiring having to mask and repress your true self at times. Allow yourself to make mistakes and work on letting go of perfectionist tendencies. Believe in your good enoughness.
There are many other tips and tricks to supporting an ADHD brain that are helpful and supportive. If you have questions or are looking for support:
Email Lisa
Book a Session with Lisa
Visit Lisa’s Website
Thanks for sharing your expertise with us, Lisa!