The Goodbye Guide - Managing Separation Anxiety

Nearly all children experience Separation Anxiety at some point and usually it’s just as tough on parents as it is on their littles.

Separation Anxiety is anxiety provoked in a young child by separation or the threat of separation from their parent. Often the appearance of this anxiety coincides with when parents/guardians need to get back to work and routine making the transition that much more challenging.

Although every parent and child’s experience is unique, this is an extremely common stage - you are not alone!

At the Children’s Atelier we’re asked many times: “how do I go about this?” or “when does it pass?” and “will it get better? …Well, we are here to help!

Here are our tips to help overcome the dreaded Separation Anxiety based on our own experiences as Early Childcare Educators and additional helpful resources. Ready? Let’s go:

1. Practice Short Separations

• Start with brief separations at home. Leave your child with a trusted adult for 15 minutes at a time, progress from there.

• At the Children’s Atelier, we start with 1 hour. In some cases, this can be cut short! We are always open to what works for you, your child and us! It’s all about teamwork, communication and a little patience!

2. Establish a Goodbye Routine

• Create a special goodbye routine - like a hug, high-five, or a fun phrase to make transitions predictable and comforting.

• Some of our parents say “One more hug then mom is leaving for work! I love you so much and I will be back soon!”. This works well as children understand routine. Building on this can really help your little one with transitioning from you, to daycare.

3. Stay Calm and Positive

• Children are very wise to their parent/guardians emotional state. Although it can be hard at time, try your best to stay calm during goodbyes and project confidence that they will be ok!

• Use phrases like “I bet you will have so much fun here, look at all of these interesting toys!” and “Oh look, they have dinosaurs - your favourite!”

4. Be Consistent with Drop-Offs

• Sticking to a consistent drop-off routine can help your child know what to expect and can ease anxiety.

• This may take a few tries, but again - teamwork, and finding what works best for your family, and patience.

5. Use Transitional Objects

• Bring along a comfort item like a small toy, a family photo or a piece of your clothing that your child can keep with them during your absence.

• We have a “Family Wall”, that works really well and the children love learning about one another’s families.

6. Talk About Feelings

• Let your child know it’s okay to feel sad or anxious and reassure them that you will return. It is very important to encourage your child to express their emotions. This will help ease them into transitions especially when they know they can be honest with you about how they are feeling.

7. Read Books About Separation

• Books are a great way for your child to relate and understand their feelings better.

• Some good examples are: “The Invisible String” by Patrice Karst, “Bye-Bye Time” by Elizabeth Verdick and “When I Miss You” by Cornelia Maude Spelman".

8. Breathing Exercises

• Teach your child simple breathing techniques to help them calm down when they feel anxious.

• In the Children’s Atelier, we use: “Smell the Flowers” for inhale and “Blow out the Candles” for exhale. These work super well, even for adults!

9. Be Honest

• Let your child know that you’re going to work and you will come back to pick them up when you’re done.

• One sentence we always say to our mini members is “(Name), always comes back!”.

10. Social Interactions

• Organize playdates with friends and/or family to help your child build social skills and feel more comfortable being away from you. Even better if it’s friends from daycare!

• Encourage them to play with others!

• Enrol them in fun classes or go to play cafe’s where they have opportunities to interact with other children independently from you.

11. Quick Goodbyes

• Prolonging goodbyes can increase anxiety for your little one.

• Keep it short and sweet to help your child transition more smoothly.

• DO NOT LINGER! It is confusing for your child and makes it much more challenging for us to integrate them into the fun activities.

12. Avoid Sneaking Away

• Always say goodbye instead of sneaking out! This builds trust and reassures your child that you’ll be honest with them.

• Sometimes you may want to sneak out in fear of your child’s response to the word “Goodbye” but we are here to help manage sad reactions and reinforce to them that you’ll be back.

13. Encourage Independence

• Allow your child to play alone and engage in activities without your constant presence. This will help them to become an independent, active learner!

14. Be Patient and Remember

• As embarrassed as you may feel, try to remember that separation anxiety is a normal part of development. With time and support from you and your community, your child will learn to adapt and feel more comfortable with transitions.

• All children are unique and different in their own way - try not to compare your child to another child that started without separation anxiety or a child that got over it quite quickly.

• Separation Anxiety can be a long journey, it can also come at any stage in their daycare years not just the beginning.

• YOU GOT THIS!!

If you are feeling worried or anxious about your child’s transition into the Children’s Atelier we are always available to help! Parents are welcome to email the Children’s Atelier Childcare Team.